Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Two Years and Passing

I know many of you have seen me post this picture of my mom before, but this particular pic captured one of my favorite moments with her so perfectly. We were so happy and had such a great time in California.

It's hard to believe my mom passed away two years ago today. She lost a three month battle with breast cancer. Everyone told me the pain would be easier to bear, but truth be told, there is still not a single day that goes by that she isn't in my thoughts. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting for hours on end in the depths of despair, but I do think about her every day, even if only for a moment or two. 

My mom was the strongest woman I knew. In fact, my sister and I used to tell her that she was one tough bitch. lol When she passed, there was no funeral because the last thing the woman desired to be was mourned. Instead, she wanted everyone to celebrate her life. She was a class act up until the end. Many years ago, our elderly neighbor had passed away and his family held a good old-fashioned Irish wake. Although we weren't Irish, that was my mom's wish. How could we possibly refuse such a request?

We threw her a "Celebration of Life" party. Pictures of my mom's life played on a big screen, Motown (Mom's favorite) played in the background, and we knew she would've been proud. We had her friends and family come up to a podium and tell their favorite stories and memories of her.

I thought posting the speech I had written for her party would be fitting for today. 

* * *

Although I feel a tremendous loss upon the death of my mother, I am thankful that she lived to see her daughter's marry, have children of their own, and she had an opportunity to know her grandchildren. My mom was here for every major event in my life, except one.

As most of you already know, my first novel will be released in September. Even though Mom passed away before she was able to share this new adventure with me, I am comforted by the fact that she read my first two bookswhich leads me to an interesting story.

For anyone who knew my mom, the woman was a fan of suspense and mystery-related works. You know, anything from Stephen King to James Patterson. Needless to say, she was not a fan of romance novels. In fact, if one of her favorite authors wrote something remotely close to a scene of an intimate nature, everyone knew Mom paged through the book until she cleared the pages of passion. She'd often say, "I get it. Move on."

When I e-mailed her my first manuscript to read, she called me four hours later and the phone call was sort of like this.

"I finished your manuscript."

There was a heavy silence.

"Once I got through all the romance crap, I could not put it down. Dad came home and I even told him to be quiet until I was done reading it. I have no idea how you did it and kept everything straight. I really enjoyed it. Oh, and I even read the 'intimate' scenes and did not have to page ahead. It was really well-written. You tell a good story."

Now after Mom read my second novel, the conversation was a little different. You see, my hero was a complete rogue who had been known to share many a bed. Mom proceeded to tell me that one of my scenes needed beefed up because if my hero was that much of a rogue, he should be able to go all night long. After I stopped laughing, she went on to say that she'd like me to change the fate of my heroine's mother because she couldn't stand her. I believe Mom's words were something like "she needed to get what was coming to her."

Mom was so incredibly proud of me for this new adventure. On the last day she was fully conscious and lying in the hospital bed, I tried to convince her not to leave us. As any selfish daughter would do, I tried to say anything to keep her here and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"You can't leave. You promised you'd be here for my book signing," I said, tears welling in my eyes.

She reached over the rails of the hospital bed and grabbed both my hands. "I will be there. I promise. Always."

I knew she meant in spirit form and Mom was so feisty that I knew she'd be there, too. There are really no words that can accurately portray how I feel about losing my mom. I do know that a part of her will always live in me, pushing me to be better. It is with a heavy heart that the ones left behind must continue to live, but Mom would expect nothing less. She wanted her life to be celebrated and not mourned. She wanted a party and not a funeral. And she wanted everyone to remember her with a gentle fondness and to be able to give her a heartfelt goodbye.

* * *

In loving memory of Rita L. Spak, an autographed copy of X Marks the Scot (Mom's favorite bad boy) and a Bad Boys of the Highlands t-shirt is up for grabs to one lucky commenter. Winner will be chosen on Friday, February 28th.

What's the funniest thing your mother ever did or said? My mom and I had a food fight with Boston Cream pie.

62 comments:

  1. That's a gorgeous pic of the two of you!

    First of all, I'm sorry about your loss... It's so hard...
    I miss my Mom every day and she left me in 2006.
    One of my cutest memories of her was of riding Peter Pan at DisneyWorld with her. Oh my! She screamed LOUDLY almost the whole ride! She loved it but was so scared... thought she was so high...

    Thanks for the giveaway!

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  2. This was absolutely beautiful to read. I hope you think of many wonderful memories today!
    My mom and I learned when I was very young that things go awry when we are together. I am an only daughter and all we do is laugh together and make memories. My first one of our adventures I remember is me getting stuck in a field by our farm - boots sucked right into the mud. She comes out to get me unstuck and ends up completely stuck herself! My brothers had to go get my dad for help. He stood there looking at us and proclaims "You two are going to always be trouble, aren't you?"
    Thank you for making me think of those early memories.
    lattebooks at hotmail dot com

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    1. Susan, I love that! Mothers always look after us, don't they? I remember when I was young that I got stung by a bee at my neighbor's house. They called my mom who walked over barefoot and then also shared the same fate. Through thick or thin... Thanks for sharing.

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  3. Beautiful picture Victoria. Nice you have it, memories keep us going. I lost my dear Dad 5 years ago, and things will never be the same. We look to our memories and goodness they are all so very special!! xo

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    1. Hi Joanne. You're right. Things will never be the same. It makes me realize how precious life truly is and that we should never take people for granted.

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  4. Your speech was written so well that you had me in tears. I had the please of meeting your Mom, a very sweet lady. I love the idea of celebrating a life instead of mourning a loss. Your Mom with be with you always in your heart, smiling down on you daily. I loved all 3 of your books and am waiting not so patiently for the next one!!

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    1. Thank you so much. I'm so glad you had the chance to meet my mom.

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  5. Beautiful stories. I understand your loss, mine has been gone for nearly 30 years and there are moments now when I can see or hear something and think oh my what would my Mama say to that? She was a fun person. When she was dying, I did as she wished and kept her, both parents wished to die at home, which they did, anyway, EMS and hospital staff would be LOL at her antics...The EMS crew, which I worked with promised to take the last ride with her and they did, they took her body to the funeral home upon her death. You the same crew always came when EMS was called no matter the time or day. She always had a smile and a kind word for everyone. ...She loved to laugh....I miss her so... I totally understand your loss....

    AprilR
    tarenn98 at yahoo dot com

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    1. Thanks for sharing, April. I still catch myself thinking "I should call Mom. I haven't talked to her for a while." I'm glad thinking about your mom still brings a smile to your face after 30 years.

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    2. It does and sometimes I can hear her laughter...my beautiful 9 almost 10 year old reminds me of her....keep your memories close...

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  6. Victoria, you have me in tears. I lost my mom in September, after a massive stroke. Even though she'd lived a great life and had celebrated her 90th birthday only a few months earlier, I still find it hard to believe she's really gone. She was both my mother and my best friend, and like your mother, she was proud of me for achieving the dream of publication. Every time one of my books was released, she'd read it and declare it "the best one yet."

    I remember when I first began dating my husband, he came for dinner with the family one night, and my mom served apple pie for dessert. I'll always remember what she told him that night: "Apple pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze." As we'd only been dating about a month, my face turned a fiery red - but not as red as his! We laugh about that incident to this day!

    Hugs to you today, and may you be blessed with memories of your mom for many years to come.

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    1. Cynthia, I am sorry for your loss as well. I love having those special apple pie moments to hold onto. That is a memory you and your husband can laugh about forever. Thanks for sharing.

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  7. A beautiful tribute to your mom.
    Trying to remember the funniest thing my mother and I have had...so many as it has been just us since my father passed. Not that is was fun for me...at the time, but my mom, the person terrified of mice and thinks roughing it is running out of toilet paper in the house, became a leader of my girl scout troop. She endured the cold, the bugs, snakes, spiders as large as her hand that crunched when stepped on, whiny teenage girls, and even mice so we would be able to have a troop. One camp out, which wasn't going as planned, cold, rainy, girls with cabin fever, she and one of the other girls, stood up in the middle of the room and sang and danced to six little ducks...I wanted to die from embarrassment...hey I was 12...parents are embarrassing at that time in your life. Then later, she made everyone laugh as she was running all over the cabin being chased by a mouse...she claimed it even tried to follow her into a broken fridge she was trying to hide in. She did this all out of love!
    The best time we had was last September, when we attended a book signing at Turn the Page Bookstore and met several authors including you Victoria. That was only our second vacation ever and we had a blast!

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    1. Marci, the things our mother's do to make us laugh. I now get the eye rolls from my 13 year old daughter, too. Those crazy moments seem to be the ones we remember the most. Thanks for sharing.

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  8. So treasured our mothers, I feel your loss and pain. It has been 17 years for my mother who loss her batter to cancer. And yes I agree with you Victoria, then pain is still there and I think about her everyday. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I still remember when we were all sitting down for dinner (10 all together in the family, 4 boys, 4 girls, then mom and dad) My mother grabbed a handful of spaghetti and flung it across the head table right at my dad, then the next thing I know is that I am getting green peas mushed in my hair.....family food fight. It was great, the dogs had a blast getting as much they could get off the floor, the clean up I would have to say not so much. Many blessings to you.

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    1. Family food fight sounds like fun, but I agree with you. Clean up, not so much. Thanks for sharing.

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  9. I am sorry for your loss. I was super close to both my dad and and stepdad and I lost both of them in the last three years, along with a couple other family members. I miss them all the time.

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    1. Hi Danniell. I'm sorry for your loss as well. They say time heals all wounds, but I'm still waiting...

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  10. I have a zillion, but she has been staying with me this month while visiting. We sat down to watch television and she said, "Oh my! This looks like it's going to be a great show!" I looked up and said, "What show?" Then she sounded deflated, "Never mind....it was a Golden Corral commercial." I laughed out loud, because she does this stuff all the time. She explained, "Well, it had a sexy cowboy, a beefy black guy....I would have watched it!" ;)

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    1. Angela, too funny! If you ever run out of things to watch on TV, you could always go to the Golden Corral for entertainment. ;-)

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  11. Thanks so much for sharing about your Mom, Victoria. We have a daughter who has been clean of breast cancer for four years now and we have all our fingers crossed it remains that way. With all the $$ spent on cancer research, I still can't believe it is such a scary, awful disease to hit anyone. The funniest thing my Mom ever did was get tipsy at our wedding reception, spill some of her champagne, bent over to wipe up the spill with a Kleenex and had to have assistance from the groom to get standing up straight again! Everyone in the place laughed, although my Mom had a very red face. jdh2690@gmail.com

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing, Janice. I'm so thankful your daughter has been clean for four years. That's funny about your mom. I'm sure you'll remember that always.

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  12. my mom and I don't have that type of closeness. we get along fine. she did teach me to bake and make homemade chocolates.

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  13. Thanks so much for sharing your story of your mom. My mom passed away from a rare blood cancer. I hope someday soon we will have a cure for all types of cancer

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    1. I lost so many wonderful people to cancer. It's such a horrible disease. I hope you're right, Beth.

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  14. Oh man, I'm such a ditz. I wrote on your FB page (as KElizabeth Green) about your mom! I'm glad you celebrate the good memories! I also wrote my story here about my first kiss, but accidentally deleted it instead of posting it. Now you get the short version (I tend to be words). When I had my first date (disaster) we went for pizza, which when I took the first bite the whole top of cheese fell off into my lap... so I had to go back home and change. (Pizzas had only been around 10 years or so) And we had a house built in the 50's so it had the 3 rectangular windows in the front door, kinda like steps going down... anyway. When he took me home and went in for the kiss (my first kiss) I just busted out in hysterical laughter... cuz I knew my mom was watching us from inside the house. My dad was probably with her too, to make matters worse, but you know when you're nervous, sometimes you just can't seem to get the laughing under control. When I finally did, put on a straight face, and told him I was "ready", when he came in for the kiss.... his tie tack (yes, they wore those back then) broke, fell apart and rolled down my front steps. Naturally, I lost it again.... I tried, seriously tried to stop giggling, but he finally gave up and said "Good Night". Needless to say, he never spoke to me again and my "dating image" was absolutely ruined.... LOL Oh well...
    Glad you are celebrating your GOOD memories with your Mom! Tomorrow will be my 4 year anniversary for finding my cancer. So far so good! But, you never know with that crap, but I have 1 1/2 more years of the expensive meds. $549.00 a month, but AFLAC Insurance absolutely saved us financially. They reimburse me for the meds and a lot of the procedures and surgeries I had to go through. They pay it to you, not the hospital. I have the CANCER & INTENSIVE Care policies (family) and I think I pay like $57.00 a month for both myself & hubby. (and my kids till they turned 27) Rates never go up either... anyone with or without cancer in their family should check it out. Look online... It's the little white duck commercials. :D Your Mom is just beaming over your tribute to her and I know she's bursting with pride, that's what us moms do! :D (KElizabeth on FB)

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    1. No worries. Thank you so much for sharing. Congratulations on four years! Here's hoping for many healthy more.

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  15. The funniset thing my mother does is she goes through old photos of the family and as she goes through them I hear her laughing out loud saying "Oh my god what were we doing," "Why is my face like that," and I just can't help myself I go and laugh right along with her.

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    1. I love looking at photo albums. They hold so many memories and when you look at them, the photos bring back that many more. Thanks for your post.

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  16. Beautiful picture and post. The pain never goes away it just eases with time.
    The best memory I have is when my mom and I were outside of a shopping center and they had one of those fountains where the water sprays up from a bunch of spots on the ground. We were walking by it when she pushes me into it. I got soaked, she was dying laughing so I grabbed her and pulled her in. We started just dancing around in it, laughing like crazy when the security guards comes up to us and starts scolding us. It was such a fun memory that shows my mom for what she was, a prankster.

    fsteph55(at)yahoo(dot)com

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    1. Steph, if I would've seen it, I would've busted out laughing. That's priceless! Thanks for sharing.

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  17. Thank you for sharing the story of your mom. My mom and I are WAY too much alike, but she is a strong women that has taught me so many things. She is a large reason that I am the person that I am. I just hope I am as good a mom to my own kids.

    We just learned that my mother-in-law has cancer. This is going to be a tough road for my husband, because he is very close to her and his dad. We're all trying to be strong and enjoy the time we still have.

    Thanks again.

    evanlea at gmail dot com

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    1. Hi Evanlea. I'm so sorry about your mother-in-law. It really helps them to have family so near to offer support or for a shoulder to cry on. I'll be thinking about you and your family.

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  18. What a lovely post, and what a great picture of the two of you. It has been 19 years for me that my Mom has been gone, I think of her every time I bake something, she was an amazing cook.

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    1. Hi Jean. Isn't that funny? Every time I make something (even though I follow the same recipe) it doesn't quit turn out the way Mom did it.

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  19. I just wanted to stop by and honor your mom today. Victoria, it helps others when you share your experiences. I have lost two long time friends from cancer in the last month.

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    1. Hi Kathy. Thanks so much for stopping by. I'm sorry for your loss as well. It's very difficult, but I think it helps to have friends and family who lend support.

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  20. What a beautiful story about your Mom. It's funny, how when we are young we don't realize what we will miss when they are gone. I lost my Mom 5 years ago from cancer. She was such a spunky woman at 84 and we had good times until the end. I was lucky because she died in her sleep and didn't have to suffer for so long. I still miss her terribly. My Mom was German and we always had our Saturday koffee klotches. She would joke that we would all meet in heaven to continue the koffee klotches! Thank God for photos that help keep so many memories alive for us and in time the wound does heal. email: rboinaz@cox.net

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    1. Hi Betty. Thanks so much for sharing your memory. I'm sure your mom's keeping everyone fed in heaven with some great German meals. ;-)

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  21. Thank you for sharing your story of your mother. God bless.

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  22. Oh, have tears in my eyes - that was so very touching. And it looks like you turned her onto romance which sounds like quite an accomplishment. I totally agree with your mom about the funeral (and Stephen King lol). She sounded like quite a woman. I have been so very lucky to still have my mom at 91 and she's a big reader too but I have not convinced her to read my romance books - I guess I would have to write one lol. I'm looking forward to reading X Marks the Scott and really loved the other two in this series.

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    1. I didn't mean to make you cry. I don't know that I turned my mom into loving romance novels, but I changed her mind about mine. lol I can't believe your mom is 91! That's wonderful.

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  23. I think the funniest thing my mom ever did was the first time I heard her say Sh!t. She was going through her mail and got a bill that should have been paid. Now my mom doesn't cuss so when I hear that word coming from her mouth all us kids just looked at her and was totally stunned. I think me and my oldest sister after a few seconds just looked at each other and laughed. Still makes me laugh when I hear my mom cuss.

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    1. Hi Kim. That is funny. I always loved when my parents told us not to do something, and then you heard the same thing come out of their mouths. Thanks for sharing.

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  24. I was closer to my a granny than my mum, so I'll tell you a story about her she passed away in 2014 and I still want to call her and talk to her and whenever I'm not well which happens a lot at the moment I just feel like I need her. She was such a wonderful person everyone I knew called her Gran. One Christmas she had a bit too much champagne and was trying to pick the pretty roses from the lounge room carpet. We never let her forget it. I was just blessed that I had her for so long and she went quietly in her sleep with a smile on her face just two weeks after a big party for her 90th birthday

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    1. Making it to 90 years old is quite an accomplishment. Picking pretty roses from the carpet is priceless.

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  25. Thanks for sharing the pix of you and your mom. I had a whole tribute written, and lost the darn thing!!! Be sure I am sending hugs to you and blessings for you and your mom, Wendy

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  26. Wow, first THANK YOU for reminding us of the precious gift that a Mom provides to us. after reading this I called my Mom - she lives in Texas while I am in Pittsburgh without her clever anadotes and good sound advise. Mom's are indeed the rock that we can lean on and the gentle hand that can pat our heads and wipe away a tear.
    Have a wonderful day remembering your Mom and know that we appreciate you reminding us of ours.

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    1. Christa, thanks so much for your kind words. I'm glad to see people who still depend on the sound advice that only a mother can give. Now if only my teenager would take mine. lol Thanks for stopping by.

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  27. What a great tribute to your Mom. The funniest thing my mom and I did was while I was in college. She came to visit and we went shopping together. We had a couple of margaritas with lunch and hopped on the escalator to go down a floor. While on the escalator, we realized that the entrance to the parking garage was on the floor we'd just left! Needless to say, we shopped for a while longer before trying to drive home.

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    1. Lisa, thanks for sharing. I love to see when our parents get a little tipsy. It makes us realize that they're human after all.

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  28. Wow.. somehow reading this again after hearing it at her celebration was even more moving. Funniest thing, wow just one? We went to NYC for Mother's Day. I totally surprised her with an over night trip. Made arrangements for her to be off work and everything. Totally got her! We were up until about 5 am walking around NYC. We were so deliriously tired that we just couldn't stop laughing. Amazing!

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    1. Oh, Heather. I love mother/daughter trips. I had a great time with Mom in California and I'm glad to see you had a blast in NYC.

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  29. Such a resemblance between you and your mother! Thank you for sharing your stories about her. My mother is also one who would NEVER read romance fiction. You were very brave to share your fiction with her, I just couldn't with my mom (would probably have to publish under a pseudonym just for that reason, too). Your mom's comment about one hero lasting longer is a HOOT and shows how much you had managed to influence her reading! I agree, you are a talented storyteller and I CAN'T WAIT for "My Highland Spy" after reading the intro in your last book. One of the funniest things involving my mom during my childhood involved one of her favorite fruits. We kids would pick blackberries on summer mornings before it got too steamy, and despite our fierce scratches and sweat wet clothing, she accused us of not picking enough or eating them before bringing them home. So she decided to come along and supervise us one morning. We all fell on the floor laughing. Her little 4'10 body was wearing blue jeans! We had never seen her wearing pants, much less jeans (this was the 60's and she was Japanese). It was like putting a Cabbage Patch doll in biker clothes. When we got to the berry patch, she told us when our smaller pails got full, to empty them into her large bucket. Well, no matter how many times we emptied our pails, the bucket wasn't filling up. Guess who unknowingly had purple stains all around her mouth?!

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    1. Sue, that is hilarious! I love how mom's say one thing and do another. Psst...I do the same thing to my daughter, too! Don't tell her that. Thanks for sharing.

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  30. So sorry for your loss Victoria. My mom will be gone for 22 years this April and at times reach for the phone to call her about something or other. Whenever I need her close I smell roses and know she is with me.

    Mom & I were living in Florida at the time. One of the funnest things I can remember (and at the time she did too) was one of her co-workers invited her to his house one day and made Key Lime Pie. She never had any so decided to taste it.

    She was nodding her head and was asked how she liked it. Teeth clenched she said it was good. Asked why she was clenching her teeth if she liked it. Her answer: Her dentures were stuck together. She was giggling as she said it. Asked what she needed and her reply was time.

    That was a giggle for many. many years.

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    1. That is funny. It's too bad we often find our mothers as our source of entertainment. ;-)

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  31. Congratulations to Steph F. who won an autographed copy of Mom's favorite bad boy (Declan, of course) and a Bad Boys of the Highlands t-shirt.

    Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and support.

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