Out of the Mouths of Babes

I couldn't wait for my kids to start talking. How wonderful it would be to have them actually tell me why they were crying or to actually tell me what was wrong. I would no longer have to guess. What a wonderful idea I had...and then they actually started to talk. What was I thinking?

I had no idea what was going to come out of their mouth next. Questions would fly out of their mouth faster than I could stop them. For instance, I'm in a restaurant and a 350+ pound man walks past our table. I think to myself, "try to distract, try to distract." Oh, no! I'm too late! My son already saw him and says, "Wow, Mom! Look at him! He is B-I-G!" Please be out of earshot. Please be out of earshot. Oh, no. The man turns and smiles politely at my son. I was too late.

I swear this has to be every parent's nightmare. I will admit; however, there are times when they do come out with some of the funniest things I ever heard. I thought I'd share some of those.

* * *

When my friend's nephew was about 4 years old, he would constantly place his hands down his pants to feel his private parts. Every time his father saw him do this, he would say, "Get your paws off of it." His son would immediately withdraw his hands. This went on for some time and it didn't matter where they were. His hands would go down the front of his pants.

One day he places his hands down the front of his pants. His father sees him and calls his name very sternly. His son replies, "Sorry, Dad. I just can't seem to keep my paws off of it."

* * *

My son was three at the time. The DH and I are in the car with the kids and my in-laws. We're going to a restaurant and it would take forever for my son to make up his mind on what he wanted to eat. We would always decide what he was going to eat before we got to the restaurant in order to alleviate a lot of frustration. We're going through the normal kid menu items. Do you want chicken nuggets? Do you want macaroni and cheese? How about grilled cheese?

He pitches an absolute fit in the car and we're sort of embarrassed. "I don't want grilled cheese!" he screams over and over. My DH and I look at each other like what the heck is wrong with him? My son is now crying and through his tears he keeps saying, "I don't want grilled cheese." We told him it's alright and he doesn't have to eat it. 

When he finally calmed down, I asked him why he didn't want grilled cheese. He wipes his tears and says, "I don't want grilled cheese. I want boy cheese." Girl cheese...

* * *

My personal favorite.

My daughter was three and a half when we brought my son home from the hospital. My DH and I knew we would have some explaining to do to her when we would change my son's diaper, but we would wait until she asks.

So one day I'm changing my son's diaper and she points to his privates. "What's that?" she asks. I calmly say, "Your brother is a boy and those are his boy parts. Just like how you are a girl and you have girl parts."

I could tell she's thinking so I ask her if she understands. She says, "I get it. My brother is little so he has little boy parts, but Daddy is big (spreading her hands apart at least two feet wide) and Daddy has big boy parts." Of course I could not help but laugh and reply, "I'm sure Daddy would be really happy to hear that."